Boobs

I'm forty. I like it I guess. My body isn't the hard body of a television swimsuit model. Nor is it the athletic body of the girl skateboarders I see zoom by my house. Its a comfortably overweight for years kind of body. Its becoming less so since I've been doing more running and hiking. I'm solid muscle under a soft layer of "fluff' and skin. I'm pretty ok about my body. I recognize losses due to age. I've got the cellutlitey thighs. These are both sources of pride and "Oh my god!" freakout. The fitter I get, the bumpier they get. More muscle definition means more cottage cheese from knees to hips. I don't believe the ads in women's magazines, so I know that cellutlite is my destiny. Ditto for the grey hairs marbling my temples and the wrinkles/age spots on my forehead. The one thing I haven't been ready for is my boobs.

I thought as I lose weight my boobs would shrink. They always have before. They turn into tiny little bumps. What the hell happened? They just sit there. I look more like Eleanor Roosevelt than Gabriella Reese. I never expected this. I figured Victoria's Secret would keep my lovelies high and mighty well into my late 50s. I assumed Mrs. Teesdale from the Marx Brothers movies looked like her boobs hung out on her belly button because back then women wore chemises, not brassiers. How is this possible? My boobs love being level with my elbows. I wore Playtex living bras. I provided them support. I held them up when I ran and lifted them when I bounced. How can gravity do this to me? I feel gypped.

I've started noticing other women with this problem. Angelina Jolie for example. I predict it will happen for Salma Hayak. Actually the only women in media spotlight I don't notice this problem with are the ones who have had boob jobs. How does Pam Anderson keep her tits up so high? They are so damn big, they should be level with her belly button, not her armpit. Is it a surgical thing? Can doctors fix droopy boobs by replacing them with the inflatable models?

Heres the thing that is most unfair of all-Playtex bras are uncomfortable and itchy. Victoria's Secret bras are uncomfortable and binding. Sports bras dig into the shoulders and torso. Especially if they keep the girls from getting a work out too. So what good did any of those miracle garments do? My boobs still slide southward. Could I have been comfortable all these years in a tight ribbed knit tank to the same eventual outcome? What about lovely lacey cotton chemises instead of sweaty molded cups?

I don't want the boobs of a 20 year old. But I'd love to have the boobs of a 30 year old forever.