Sometimes kindness happens randomly. It comes from out of the blue like a shooting star. It is unpredictable and appreciated. I adore that kindness. Its the reason that people have faith in religion and other forms of magic.
The kindness that I like least, however, is institutionalized kindness.
Its not as beautiful because it is the mundane benign state that we rely on to live in society. Its not the stuff of miracles, and to say its institutionalized is slightly misleading. Its not kindness on command, rather its kindness that is educated. It is taught from mothers to children, mostly, I think. I've not really had much experience of men teaching children. It comes from the "play nice" of the playground and is enforced by the scary and grandmotherly women who teach third grade. After that it lives on like a vestigial tail or appendix. It is something that we all have but rarely use.
Kindness has been replaced by manipulation. Or maybe by sex appeal. Or maybe by both and something else entirely. At any rate the kindness taught to us by our mothers is dead by the time we hit our thirties. (Is it possible that the juiciness I've always attributed to women in their forties is just that with kids raised, they finally have time to just enjoy people? Its something that requires more data.) The acts that used to gain praise are now greeted with suspicion. Is this nice person trying to work me? Fuck me? Sell me something?
Unfortunately, nice sells.
I try to avoid nice people. Its too tiring to keep my guard up, so I don't. I tend to believe and believe in people. Its just easier to stay away from the potential emotional trainwreck of feeling betrayed. Usually and I mean ALMOST 100% of the time, he/she was trying to work me, fuck me, sell me something. The times they weren't, the person thought I was someone else. The only variable is the amount of time it takes them to come to the truth of what they want/sell. Thats where its easy to get screwed.
A lot of people aren't clear on their own motives. They think, well, who knows what the hell they think. What I know is that the kindness is an entre to my soul. Its a baited hook. Its an invitation to interaction and misery.
Some people are worth the interaction and misery. But oddly, they are never the kind people. They may be polite, but most often they are the people who really don't care about being nice or kind. They are the ones that are just genuine. They are trying because they don't fit the standard definition of ideal society.
Consequently, the kindness that they express is often the miraculous type. I have thoughts on this but I've lost my thread. I'll come back to it later.
