Beggars

Today I did something I never do. Actually, I've been doing a lot of things I never do. Namely, I gave cash to a beggar.

He wasn't a fashionable washed beggar like the kinds that make nuisances of themselves at the off ramp from the highway. He was an unshaven, unkempt bike riding panhandler. I gave him the money because just the moment before I thought to myself that I was very blessed to have enough. I even had a little bit I could give away if asked. This was remarkable for me. I'm stingy. Or, if not stingy, I value money. I hoard it whenever possible. I give money to the homeless shelter and the food kitchen. I never give directly to panhandlers. There was something different about it today. Maybe it is that the weather is changing. Maybe its that I'm changing.

Right after I handed that smelly dude the money, I immediately questioned myself on my behavior. The local neighborhood has an anti panhandling campaign. I know giving encourages the down and out to show up and ask more often. Then theres the old question: will he use this money well or will he drink it away? Have I hastened his death or unhappiness? What if he od's with the money I gave him? I didn't ask how he would spend the money, I just wanted him to have a little peace, maybe some rest from the anxiety of not having enough.

I gave him a twenty. I knew exactly where in my wallet it was. Maybe I telepathically transmitted to that man he should ask me for money. I'm glad now that I did. I think its likely that a portion (maybe 100%) of the $20 I gave him ended up in alcohol or a drug of some type. $20 is enough for a meal from the store or a fast food establishment and a little bottle of something from the liquor store or a hit of something else from the kids at the skate park. At least I hope it is.

Dear Mr. Beggar,
I hope that the money I gave you today helped. I hope it reminded you that materialistic people like me can be okay. We aren't always selfish bastards. I hope it filled your belly and that gave you some comfort. I hope that if you did use some of it for drugs or alcohol, you found some peace. I hope that you won't always have to beg. I hope that you enjoy the sunshine and dry cool breezes. I hope that you won't often be hungry or for very long. I hope that freedom finds you and you are able to recognize and savor it. Thank you for being in my neighborhood today. Thanks for letting me challenge my stinginess. Thanks for reminding me that the sun shines on everyone, rich and poor and that sometimes everyone, rich or poor just likes to take a walk and nap in the sun. Good luck.