Lazy Sunday Afternoons

This is just about being generally happy.

I am and I like it. I have my man back by my side and a few bumps and misunderstandings, it feels like the good times are back.

This other girl thing is a little confusing. Liam wants to throw it in the dumpster. I don't know that I support that idea. I think I will just stand by my position until we are in synch about it again.

I adore the man. More than that, I believed him when he said he would hate to feel trapped in any relationship. I remember it vividly. Mostly because it hurt and scared me so much. It blew my mind. It made me really believe that as much as he loves and wants me, he wants to feel free and happy more. So I thought and thought and decided that my happiness was directly linked to his. It depended on his. I thought that being with other girls and my full knowledge of it would make it easy.

I was wrong. Nothing about this has been easy. We've had arguments most couples would never dream of.

Now as he is going mono on me, I want to remember it is a phase. I'm not afraid of the other women so much anymore, but I am afraid of how it changes us. I think sex will never be casual with Liam. He's not really the bonk them and leave them type. He's every inch (and there are a lot of them) the gentleman.

I can't help but think of the cliches from Stranger in a Strange Land. Waiting is. I get that. Sharing is growing closer, sex or otherwise. Groking is about knowing something so much that there is really no other way of being once you have that knowledge.

Maybe we are moving past other women as important. Maybe they don't provide freedom so much as limit the expression of it. Of course it all could be that I'm just a crazy doofus and never should have suggested it.

But I still think it was the right thing to do. I want to be free too. I want to know people as they are. If Liam decides he needs more freedom after the waiting, then I hope I will be wise enough to give it. So far its been an adventure and even though we haven't always handled it very well, I've learned much about myself and my heart because of it.